Separate "The Who" from "The Do"

When I worked with Rutgers football, trying to help that school get to its first bowl game, I thought one of the most significant things we talked about was being able to receive coaching. When most players hear something from a coach, they think, "Who I am is wrong," a thought which means they shame themselves and are not able to hear the coaching. They pout when they receive it and go backwards after the coach delivers his message, because they cannot divorce "the who" from "the do."

Being a great mental player means the instruction received from the coach goes to the player's behavior (the do), not his or her identity (the who). In other words, the player should never say, "Who I am is wrong according to Coach but my behavior that he corrected is wrong, which--now that I am aware of it--I can change it." This concept is vital. Knowing this difference is vital.

In my years of testing for the Pittsburgh Steelers, I would try to determine if the college player the organization was considering drafting was able to do this very thing: receive feedback and then not shame himself to say, "I'm no good" but to rather say, "I will change the behavior or improve my technique. If you can do this you will be a better player."

- Dr. Kevin Elko